In today’s fast-paced world, isn't it wonderful how more 'conscious' styles of parenting have become guiding lights for mums and dads seeking deeper connection and intentionality in raising their children?
The approach that really resonates with me is Aware Parenting, a philosophy pioneered by Dr. Aletha Solter in the early 1980s. This emphasises respectful communication, attachment play, listening to feelings, helping our children heal and non-punitive discipline.
The Aware Parenting Community
​I'm thrilled to have just signed up for this year's intake of the Aware Parenting Community led by gorgeous role models of mine - Danni Willow and Joss Goulden. For the next twelve months, the group will be meeting online, diving into monthly themes and being guided to embody the theory of Aware Parenting.
Immersing myself in this community of likeminded mothers has deepened my appreciation of how the ethos and features of The Love Mum Project align so beautifully with the Aware Parenting philosophy.
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Now, as a little disclaimer - I’m not an Aware Parenting instructor or expert - just a mum exploring this beautiful approach and sharing my own thoughts about how it seems to integrate with my business.
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At its core, a Love Mum Project provides a parent peace of mind, knowing their love and wisdom will reach their children, no matter what the future holds. But it offers so much more than that.
"I use my Love Mum Project as a tool for more mindfully raising my children, while revisiting my own childhood in the process."
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​Parenting inevitably stirs up memories of our younger years, including moments our emotions may have been dismissed or we received negative messages or punishments. As these memories resurface, three different sections of The Love Mum Project provide opportunities for self-reflection and healing. It’s a safe and convenient space for parents to document these realisations and see how their past may be influencing their present feelings and parenting choices.
Birthday Messages
​As part of each birthday message (pre-built into a Project every year until a child turns 21), is a section informing the child of the date their parent celebrated that same birthday. Here you can add written words, a video message or audio recording. And cleverly, if you have multiple children, that part of the birthday message syncs between their corresponding entries so you don't have to repeat yourself.
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This is an invitation to share with your child whatever you experienced at that age. What was important to you, how you were treated, what you suppressed. For my girls, I have described where I can see certain patterns were formed, and beliefs were conditioned.
Here's an example of how a blank birthday message starts out, before the parent fills it with their anecdotes, love and wishes
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You don’t need to mine your subconscious for lessons from every age all at once. Even for me, it’s a beautiful, slow work in progress. I gradually add to the 'Birthday' sections whenever a realisation dawns on me. This process - tuning in to my inner child - has opened me up to better recognise and respond to my daughters’ emotions as they are experiencing them. This, if I’m not mistaken, is one of the key goals of Aware Parenting.​
In my own daughters’ "Eleventh Birthday" messages, they’ll find a little video where I explain how, at that age, I was certain no one liked me anymore, and convinced my parents to let me change schools. I share how, looking back, I wish my parents had helped me confront those uncomfortable feelings, rather than letting me run from them. It’s a pattern I’ve carried with me into adulthood, avoiding conflict, fears or difficult emotions rather than facing them. Recognising this has been a huge breakthrough for me, and I’m committed to supporting my girls in navigating their own challenges with greater resilience and self-confidence, instead of falling into the same pattern of avoidance.​​
Reflections
When I launched the more enhanced version of the Project - A Lot of Love - I added a feature called Reflections. These are particularly useful when delving into themes that may span quite a few fears. You might like to group your thoughts into stages like ‘Early Childhood’, ‘Late Childhood’, ‘Early Adolescence’ etc.
The software allows you to “mention” certain reflections within individual Birthday or Milestone Messages, allowing your children to follow your trail of thought and easily explore relevant insights by clicking through to connected entries.​
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For example, over the last couple of years, I've found myself becoming easily frustrated by Daisy’s picky eating. As I reflected on my own childhood dinnertimes, I remembered being sent to my room crying, being told I was “naughty” or denied dessert until I ate a certain amount. Those moments had a lasting impact, and I began to see how they shaped my own triggers around control and food. I acknowledged how I felt pulled to mirror my parents' coercive behaviours. I wrote a Reflection on what my inner child really needed to hear, and resolved to give Daisy more autonomy over her eating from then on. This shift has not only created more harmony at our dinner table, but allowed me to heal some of my past wounds.
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Since this isn't directly tied to one age, I’ve ‘mentioned’ this particular reflection in Daisy’s next few birthday messages, where I share my experience of being five, six and seven. I love that it will have automatically synced into Polly’s birthday messages for those ages too, because I assume that food will remain an important way both girls assert themselves over the next few years. I wanted to give them that clear written blessing that they get to choose what to put in their bodies and I hope it will open up thoughts and conversations around healthy eating choices and body image. Even if the girls never read this exact Reflection one day, I know they’ve already benefited from the emotional growth I’ve experienced by putting it into words, and the compassion it continues to bring out in me.
Memories
Another feature I created for the Lot of Love version is Memories. Personally, I use this more than anything else in my Project. Uploading memories - whether shortly after they occur, or by recording events from the distant past - creates an ongoing opportunity for self-awareness.
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When parents add a memory, they can describe what happened, tag the relevant friends or family members, and upload their favourite photos or videos. But there's always the option to delve deeper. They might describe any emotional pain, growth or breakthrough moments that they or a child experienced. I've explored this in more detail in another blog post if you'd like to know more.
Memories can be 'tagged' in any way that resonates with you. Alongside categories like 'Celebrations', 'Outdoors' or 'Proud Moments', you may like to include 'Healing' or 'Mental Health'. Over time, these Memories form a living tapestry - a powerful gift for both parent and child. It's a way for parents to communicate, "This is what I learned while I was raising you, and this is how I healed."
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Since Aware Parenting also places high importance on attachment, play and connection, it’s been wonderful to document the special time I spend with each of my girls, and the silly games we make up that connect us so deeply. I often chronicle these as Memories, tagging them as ‘Play’. Whether I’m still here or not, these entries will be so easy and rewarding for my kids to look back on, and I’m sure they will particularly cherish them if they become mothers themselves one day. ​​​​​
In Conclusion
Clearly there’s quite a few ways in which a Love Mum Project can become far more than just a keepsake, and really transform into a tool for personal growth and healing. I love how magically this aligns with the Aware Parenting message that parenting is not just about raising our children, but about healing our own inner children.
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What I hope I'm providing my daughters is a map - a deep understanding of their mum's journey to self-awareness and growth. The more Memories and Reflections I add to my Project, the more it becomes a legacy of not only love but healing. I hope it empowers my girls with the knowledge that emotional growth is a lifelong process, and it’s never too late to reparent yourself. ​​
If reading about this type of parenting has sparked something in your heart, I recommend you seek out any of Dr. Aletha Solter's books and start listening to two of my favourite podcasts: 'Aware Parenting Stories' and 'The Aware Parenting Podcast'.
Lastly, if you're feeling called to begin your own Love Mum Project to guide you along your own parenting journey, I'm delighted to offer the discount code AWAREPARENT for 20% off your order.